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Is Being Single TOO Hard?

June 26, 2012

I’m sure sometimes it feels like it is way too hard.  On the Love List blog, Jess describes being single as “unpleasant, uncomfortable, and a lot of the time totally mortifying kind of hard”. 

I can’t front, as a married woman I sometimes just feel relieved that I am not dating anymore. Sometimes I go to parties and clubs and see the single women dressed to kill and “playing the game” and I’m happy that I’m not in it.  I’m sure the frustrations of black single women may sometimes be even deeper because of all of the doom and gloom reports out there on black women and dating.

Having someone to share your life with is wonderful.  Most women would be lying if they said that they did not appreciate financial support, companionship and sexual intimacy that hopefully is part and parcel of married life.  But it has its challenges.  I once asked a mentor of mine who had been married for over a decade whether she ever thought of leaving her husband and her response was “everyday”.  Now that I am married I can relate somewhat.  It takes an unwavering commitment to “stay together” to “stay together” through all of the mood swings, disagreements and unmet expectations. 

Single ladies, if you want love.  Its out there.  I would advise that you begin meditating on the love that you want to attract into your life and stay steadfast in your faith and stay open minded with respect to the different packages that the love may come in.  But also enjoy your freedom to make life decisions without having to consult anyone.  If you don’t have kids or elderly parents for whom you care, enjoy your ability to put yourself first at any given moment.  Treat yourself like the goddess that you are.  Travel the globe.  Enjoy your limitless options because once you start meditating on the type of romantic love that you want – your single days may be numbered.

This is an excerpt from Jess’s insightful article.

On Dating

One of the recurring ironies of writing a blog called “The Love List” is that often, when you tell people who don’t read it what it’s called, they think it’s a dating site. I suppose that makes sense — so let’s make that assumption true today, shall we?
I don’t care what anyone says, being single is hard. After the shiny newness of it wears off, it’s not the gratifying, challenging sort of hard. It’s the unpleasant, uncomfortable, and a lot of the time totally mortifying kind of hard. I’m sure a lot of you can relate – I’m not under under the guise that I’m somehow special and unique here. I know plenty of girls who are as knee-deep in the muck as I am. We work, we pay our bills, we have social lives, we take care of houses and cars and pets and plants and keep our nails polished… all the basic things we juggle on top of that whole “finding the one” thing.  There is something to be said for someone who is out there doing life entirely on her own. The sheer bravery of it is something I don’t think is acknowledged nearly enough. 


Please read the rest of Jess’ article on hardships of being single here.

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